
  Second Thoughts


    by Karenkay
    <http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=169090&page=submissions>©


I could see my wife stepping out of the shower drying herself with a
towel. She was absolutely gorgeous. Her long red hair flowed down past
her shoulders and the contrast of her pale white skin and green eyes
drove me crazy the very first time I met her.

She was wiping her breasts now. They were naturally large and very full.
I could barely see from the distance but I believe her nipples were hard
at that moment. She had a smile on her face. What was she thinking about?

I hadn't given her much to smile about the past thirty-six months. I
knew she loved me dearly as I did with her. She was my whole life. We
were sole mates. Yesterday was our seventh anniversary and we calibrated
it in a special way. We filed for divorce.

It was my fault. I was totally useless as a husband to her anymore. I
watched her as she continued drying off. She lifted each leg along the
side of the tub and gently ran the towel over her smooth soft skin. I
always thought that her legs were perfect. So shapely and her thighs
were to die for.

She was wiping her ankle with the towel. Her lovely feet I loved to
touch. I suppose I had a foot fetish but I never admitted it to my wife.
She had enough to deal in her life with the hell I took her through
these past three years.

I was lucky in one aspect. My wife or should I say, soon to be ex-wife
supported me throughout these past three years. That's just the way Leah
was in everything she did in life. She put her heart and sole into
everything including our marriage.

Yes. It's a strange feeling still being in love with someone and feeling
so close to that person but legally unable to stay together as man and
wife. That was at least the way it was in our state unless the law was
changed.

Yeah. We talked about it many nights together holding hands and how we
would be there for each other no matter what happened. We would never
allow anyone to come between us. Leah was wiping her belly with the
towel. I always loved to poke my finger in her belly button and laugh.

Leah had a sexy belly with just a slight sexy curve to it with a neatly
trimmed bush just below that curve. I should be hard with excitement
right now. I should be stroking my cock and getting ready for my wife to
walk in here and mount me but I can't. In fact, I can no longer achieve
an erection to enable Leah to mount me any longer.

Three solid years of hormone treatment have taken care of that problem.
I stroked what was left of my manhood which had shrunk considerably and
squeezed the limp flesh between my finger and thumb. Leah gave up even
sucking on it about two years ago. She once laughed at how tiny it had
become but I believe she was only dealing with the stress of losing me
as I was.

I'd never been hugely endowed but I always seemed as if I could satisfy
Leah in bed. She never complained and always told me she loved me after
we had sex. Sex! How long has it been for us? It must be two and a half
years now since we had sex the way a husband and wife have sex.

Leah always tells me that sex isn't that important in a relationship but
I have a feeling she is only helping me cope with our problem. Maybe I
should say it's more like my changes that we are coping with.

There it is! I can see it! Leah is combing her hair now and I can see
the large diamond ring on her left finger. It was the one we picked out
together when we got engaged eight years ago. We had plans and dreams of
having children that never materialized. I feel so bad for Leah. She
always wanted children and especially a little boy that she wanted to
name after me.

I crossed my legs and felt my smooth skin as it gleamed in the light of
the bedroom. I lay naked waiting for Leah to join me and as always, we
slept naked. My breasts were growing now and we talked about possibly a
breast augmentation after the surgery. Leah could joke about it now. She
wanted me to have large breasts like her so we could share each others
clothing.

I think it was her way of dealing with my transition. Leah always joked
about how we could have a large wardrobe and share everything. We were
the same size in height and hips and I only needed my bust line to grow
a bit.

My hair was down past my shoulders now and I started to dye it red like
Leah's. After eighteen months of electrode treatments, my face had
become hairless and soft with the help of my daily hormone intake.

Leah had worked doing nails when she was attending college so she always
did my nails and made sure the color matched whatever she was wearing on
her nails.

I'll never forget the very first time Leah came home early from work and
caught me completely dressed up like a woman. She stayed mad at me for
three weeks before she would even talk to me about it. A couple months
later we talked in much more detail and I told her about how I felt and
I remember how hurt she was at the time.

That hurt turned into acceptance but it was a long road that took more
than a year for her to realize what I wanted to do with my life. I dealt
with it for a much longer period myself but nobody knew except me.

I remember Leah tossing all those clothes I wore into the garbage that
weekend. I went shopping the very next week and bought all new stuff and
hid it in a very good spot. Well. I thought it was a good spot. The
light went out in the bathroom and Leah just walked into the bedroom.
She smiled at me before turning out the light and got into bed and
kissed me on the lips. It was a warm open mouth passionate kiss.

She laid down in bed next to me and we cuddled. I felt her long smooth
leg wiggle around until she draped it over my leg. Our skin was soft and
it felt good rubbing against my wife's legs. It felt good not having the
hair on my legs to interfere with our soft skin.

I actually think Leah enjoyed the feel of my legs being so soft herself.
Well. Maybe she just got use to them that way.

The surgery was scheduled for the end of the month. That was less than
two weeks away. Leah was going to fly with me and be there for me the
whole trip. She wanted to be there when I got out of surgery and wanted
to talk to the doctors.

I'm terrified just thinking about someone cutting on me. I just didn't
want to think about it right now. I was too afraid but felt so much
comfort being here next to my wife. Leah kissed my forehead and stroked
my cheek.

"It's all right honey. Try not to think about it. I'll be there when you
get out of surgery."

She gave me several small kisses on my face and put her arm around me as
we fell asleep.

I opened my eyes gently as the bright sun filled the room. I starred
straight up at the ceiling at the white tiles in the ceiling. I tried to
move my arm but realized I was all hooked up to tubes and monitors. I
tried to turn my head but they had my pillow so packed that I could
barely move.

Leah. Where was my wife? I tried to lift up my head and look around but
I could hardly move. Someone was coming. It was a nurse. She was a tiny
woman with short dark hair and was smiling at me.

"Good. You're awake! I'll notify the doctor so he can come and visit
you. Just relax while I change your dressing."

She was moving me around down there. I hadn't a clue what she was doing
and don't think I wanted to know at that moment.

"Where is my wife?"

The nurse kept working but didn't answer my question until I asked again.

"Is my wife, Leah here?"

The nurse hesitated as she starred into my eyes.

"Your friend went down for a cup of coffee a few minutes ago. I'm sure
she'll be back to check on you soon. She was in the recovery room with
you so she must be really tired."

I felt relieved that Leah was nearby but resented the fact that the
nurse called her my friend. Didn't she know who Leah was? Surly she
couldn't be that stupid? I felt confused as I drifted back into a deep
sleep.

I guess I don't have to tell you that Leah was sitting right next to the
bed when I woke a couple hours later. She'd been sleeping herself
because she was leaned back in the chair but quickly got up and kissed
my nose and smiled at me when she saw me open my eyes.

I remember that day very clearly as I spoke with the doctor for the very
first time as a woman. Our stay at the hospital over the next few days
was nothing but relaxed. They kept putting new dressing on me and
counseling both of us.

I remember getting out of bed for the first time and seeing the results
of my surgery for the very first time. It didn't appear very pretty
being all swollen at the time but I had hope that everything would be a
success as the doctor had told me it would. He gave me encouragement but
Leah was right there with me and that's all I needed.

Leah and I stayed in a hotel near the hospital for two weeks. Longer
than most people going through the surgery but we saved up enough money
to attend out patient classes with a nurse who instructed me how to use
and performed my initial vaginal dilation. The doctor told me that my
virginal depth was about six inches which was normal depth for a
transsexual woman to have normal sex in every position.

Sex! I never even considered having sex with a man. I would be cheating
on my wife. Wife? We still had a relationship although we were about to
finalize our divorce. The divorce caused us both grief because it was
something we were forced to do legally.

I knew in my heart that Leah would never consider cheating on me with
another man. Mm. I have to think about that statement about another man.
Another? I'm no longer a man. Maybe I should just say, "A man."

I remember when I bought Leah a new toy about a year after I started
taking hormones and I could no longer perform sexually with her. I
remembered driving across town and entering an adult shop and searched
the shelves for the perfect little toy for my wife to play with.

There were all sorts of strange things but I didn't want anything kinky.
All I wanted to buy was a vibrator for my wife to enjoy an orgasm once
in awhile. There it was hanging up on the end of the rack. It was the
right size and ran on batteries. The only problem was that it was black
but I felt it didn't matter much because it was only made of plastic and
performed in the same manor as the rest of them.

I remembered asking the clerk if he had a white one but the guy laughed
and said that a lot of women liked the black ones because they could
fantasize about black men. It didn't matter much anyway. I just wanted
to buy something my wife could enjoy.

We returned home and spent the next several weeks doing everything my
doctor had said. I visited my own doctor on a regular basis and he said
my healing was coming along just fine. I was shaven after the surgery
and Leah helped me keep the area completely free of hair.

It wasn't until six months after my surgery that Leah bought me a little
gift. Leah took pictures of me opening the small box that morning and
she said the expression on my face when I saw what she had bought for me
was worth a million dollars. It was a vibrator. It was a black one like
I bought her.

Leah and I had not only been married for seven years but were the best
of friends and she shared every thought in her head with me except one.
She never let me see her play with the toy I bought her two years ago.
In fact, I only saw her play with it twice over those two years and
those times were by accident.

I remembered the first time coming back home from shopping and Leah
didn't hear me enter the house and the bedroom door was wide open. I
remember standing in the hallway and watching my wife as she moved the
little toy along her clitoris until she had an orgasm.

The second time I saw her using it, startled me. I had been gone for
most of the day and walked in the house and thought I'd heard my wife
talking in the bedroom. It was dark and the light was on in our room and
as I walked closer to our room I heard my wife talking.

My heart sank at that moment as I heard the first words I could
understand. "Fuck me. Yeah. Fuck me harder!"

Oh my God. Leah was cheating on me. She had a man in our bedroom! My
heart was pounding as I walked closer toward the doorway. She was
talking again.

"Oh. Yes. Deeper. Ram it in me deep!"

My heart was beating so fast that my breath had become labored. This
couldn't be happening to me. I eased closer to the door until I could
see Leah on the bed with her legs stretched up and back. Her hand was
running the black vibrator into her pussy as fast as she could. She was
simulating being screwed by a man.

Her breath was laboring as she worked the vibrator into her pussy until
she screamed out loud. "I'm going too cum."

I eased back away from the doorway and walked back to the front door and
opened it and shut it so my wife could hear me. I walked back toward the
bedroom and Leah was laying naked on the bed as if she had been sleeping.

She turned to face me and smiled. "Hi Honey."

I remembered finding the vibrator under the bed that evening but it had
been moved before we went to sleep. I felt she was too embarrassed to
have me see her using that little toy. I knew from that day on that she
missed having sex with me in a normal way.

Up until that day when we had sex it was always orally and Leah always
told me I was extremely talented with my tongue. We never used the
vibrator when we got intimate. I remembered how Leah labored on my
little dick to make me cum which I did but as the months went by I had
less sperm and my orgasms were beginning to be nothing more than a trickle.

Leah finally gave up completely on me but found other ways to try and
stimulate me by kissing my breasts and licking me from head to toe. Yes.
We always enjoyed being intimate together.

Leah enjoyed sitting on my face and pushing her pussy down against my
tongue. I'd always look up at her and see her eyes closed and I knew she
was trying to pretend I had my dick inside her pussy.

The next few months after my surgery was when I noticed a few changes in
my wife. She no longer felt uncomfortable allowing me to see her playing
with her little toy. She even encouraged me to get mine out of the
drawer so we could play with them together on the bed.

One evening when we were playing with our vibrators together and I saw
Leah's eyes shut tight and she seemed as if she was thinking about
something very intently. I finally got up enough nerve to ask her what
it was.

"Honey. Are you fantasizing about having sex with a lover?"

Leah stopped what she was doing and turned off the vibrator and reached
over and took my face in her hands and kissed me on the lips.

"Oh. Honey. Where did you get an idea like that?"

I choked up as I tried to reply. "I just thought you missed having sex
like we use to and maybe you were fantasizing about having sex with a man."

"Honey. You know I love you no matter what happens in our lives. I'd
never hurt you that way. I guess I would feel as if I'm cheating on you."

Leah kept placing little kisses on my face as I hugged her back and we
locked in a passionate kiss together. It was so intimate. I felt her
tongue gently entering my mouth in search of mine. We kissed for several
minutes until she starred into my eyes and said. "I love you."

"Leah. I love you too."

We did everything together the next few months. Leah taught me how to
move the vibrator against my new clit so I could experience the best
orgasms.

Oh yes. Did I say orgasms? Yes. I experienced them almost right from the
beginning. I felt like I could have my cake and eat it too. Maybe we
were divorced but that was only a legal matter. Yes. The sex was
definitely different but our love for each other was still strong in
spite of what I put Leah through during this period.

One of the last things I had done was to have a breast augmentation.
Leah and I resembled sisters once I had the operation done. We told the
doctor what size we wanted for me to be and he calculated that I would
be a D cup when finished. He said I had enough skin area to justify
having such large implants put in.

The doctor cut under my arm pits which helped make it less noticeable
that I had anything done. Leah had her wish about sharing clothes now
that we had the same bust size. Our hips were practically the same and
although her waist was an inch smaller than mint, I was still very pretty.

Leah and I began to talk about moving to a warm climate and one day we
put our house on the market and surprisingly it sold in three days. Leah
and I both worked free lancing and both had huge contracts with large
corporations so we worked from home. The best part was that we could
actually live anyway and maybe fly in for meetings when needed.

We decided on Florida and searched several cities until we picked Tampa.
We found a wonderful condo looking out toward the gulf and soon bought
all new furniture and began meeting new friends.

This was a new beginning for us where nobody knew whom we were and
didn't know about our past. As far as anyone knew, I had always been a
woman. Leah kept her last name which made it much easier to tell people
we were sisters.

Yes. That's what we decided to do. We would tell people that we were
sisters and that Leah got divorced and took back her original family
name. That's what we told them. Besides. We didn't want other women
thinking we were lesbians and trying to hit on us. We were
two-heterosexual divorcees living together.

Leah had been keeping her engagement ring put away until we moved. I
surprised her by having the diamond put into a charm she could wear
around her neck. It seemed very strange to me not seeing Leah wearing
her wedding rings any longer.

I remember Leah telling me that now she could wear it closer to her
heart which made me happy.

We had a new neighbor move into the condo next door about a month after
we moved in. Her name was Mary and she was our age and had been divorced
for about a year. We invited her over for dinner all week because she
was still unpacking. It gave us a chance to get acquainted with her.

Mary loved to tell jokes and loved to talk about men in general. She was
a very beautiful blonde with long hair and sort of on the skinny end
with long legs and a tiny round butt. She hadn't dated since her divorce
was finalized about a year ago but talked about every man she saw next
to the pool during the day like she wanted to jump their bones.

Leah and I would only laugh and listen to what she had to say about
them. We joined her at the pool one day and she was like a little girl
in a candy store as we all watched a group of men talking on the
opposite end of the pool.

There was another afternoon when Leah had gone to use the little girls
room when Mary began talking to me differently.

"Christy. Have you or your sister thought about going out and meeting a
few guys?"

I was sort of choked up for an answer but tried to smile as I replied.
"My sister has been through the ringer with her ex-husband and I don't
think she is ready to see other men yet."

"How do you feel about dating men? You're very attractive yourself. Your
not going to tell me your ex-husband took you through the ringer as well?"

I was lost for words at that moment but somehow found an answer to give
Mary. "I guess I really haven't given it any thought. Leah and I have
just been enjoying our selves down here in the sunshine."

She laughed as she replied sipping her drink from a straw. "You made
that sound as if the two of you are intimately involved with each other."

I gave a half way giggle and was saved from making a reply as Leah came
back and sat down on the lounge chair.

"Leah. Christy and I were just talking about men."

Leah laughed because she knew that was all Mary talked about.

"What else is new with you, Mary."

"No. I really mean it. Why couldn't we go out to a club this weekend and
just have a good time and meet a few fellows and dance or something?"

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